time for the truth ;

ok so im ina mood to let everything out since i dont have anyone to really talk to right now i turn to this shit lame huh ; well here we go.. IM IN LOVE &i think i always will be in love with him &it sucks cuz i dont deserve to be in this position yea i love being with him everyday talkin to him hangin out but there comes a point where i get tired of it i get tired of JUST being THERE when he needs it . if anyone deserves the best its ME come on im such a GREAT friend or girl or whatever you wanna call what i am to him . i do everything i take time outta my life to do what he wants i give up other relationships i was workin on for him i buy him things he wants &needs . so basically im his bitch right ? yea thats how people look at it but seriously those werent my intentions in all this i just wanna be the girl thats always there for him the one he fell in love with the one that puts up with all the bullshit he put me through &im not sayin i never fucked up on him cuz yea i have i had my share of mistakes but im over it was in the past &i moved the fuck on . the one thing i want i cant have &it sucks . i try to leave so many times but i cant ! &it kills me that after all this shit we been through i cant put it all together and have the balls to get up and leave . hes so fuckin confusing i never know what hes thinkin anymore one day it seems like hes so in love with me and everythings good &the next im just his lil bitch thats just there just to be there when he wants something. &what i think about like everyday is wtf happened ! like how did i just start talkin to him again after what he did to me ! how he broke up with me for some ugly ass bitch &then went out with her after he told me he didnt wanna be ina relationship he goes and gets into a new one!! i dont understand how i forgave him . i didnt really think about that until a couple days ago like wtf am i doing ?! dammn i guess i really do love him huh but sometimes i just think about giving up on everything &give up on all the effort i put into this im not even the one who should be tryin to make this work he fucked me over &wat do i do ?! i talk to him again &give him THE FUCKIN WORLd ! its not that i hate doing this for him psh dont get me wrong i love giving things to him and making him happy but when i dont get anything in return like just simple thankyou carla or iloveyou or a please it makes me think about givin up. &yea he says ''iim not waiting for NOTHING'' when i ask him but i seriously think waiting for nothing means 2 complete opposite things to us cuz i been WAITING FOR NOTHING for like 5 months now. i wouldnt mind waiting if he would treat me better like at least tell me how he feels about me like i dont even know if he still loves me he never said i love you to me since we broke up . thats all i fuckin ask for is to know ! but i guess i ask for to much right. yea people talk to shit to me bout it &honestly im to the point where idgf anymore about anything .people pushed me to far and tested me to much . i know whats right and wats wrong i just choose to not care if its wrong or right; i dont have patience for anyone or anything i hate people tellin me what i SHOULD do but when im with him i have all the patience in the worl cuz i think its gonna be worth it in the end but when the hell is the end comin !? thats a question only he can answer &the only answer he wont tell me. startin today ima TRY &not let it bother me anymore ima do what i want when i want im not gna be kissin his ass anymore im done trying to show him how much i care cuz he should know that i love him i promised him ima love him forever &best believe i keep my promises* i just need my time to figure all this out but til then ima notgiveafuck bout what anyone has to say bout what i feel .
well im outs i cant believe i really wrote all this right now uhg oh well bye;