&i feel better(:

sooo i went through my computer right now &wow i looked at all my saved notepad shit &found all OUR insiders &pictures and things we wrote about eachother! its fuckin crazy how much we could say about eachother &how we said we'd never be what we are NOW. but these past couple months i learned a lot believe it or not im getting stronger by the day. the more time passes the more i understand whats happening &i can honestly say im OK i wasnt at first of coarse because i was scared to be alone but i been alone before and look at me im still standing stronger than ever. yea i miss everything about how it use to be i wont lie but what can i do..? NOTHING . yea im ok and act like nothing bothers me but no matter how much i say it doesnt fase me or bother me it sometimes gets to me and it sucks . &yea i cry when im alone but really i think its just cuz NEED to cry and let it all out. i knew it was gonna be hard to be in the position im in when it started &MAYBE should never have started something that i knew i wasnt ready for but it happened and i cant take it back it is what it is. i know i got stronger because when i heard what i didnt wanted to hear from him and did things i said i wouldnt do again just to make him happy and when i did everything in my power to give him what he wanted &i didnt get ANYTHING....i wasnt as sad as i thought i would be for some reason it was like WHATEVER &no not because i stopped caring or stopped having feelings for him but just because i was prepared for the worst. i've been hurt before and hurt people but im past all that. i just wanna be happy and live my life. i just needed to talk about this a lil &i feel better now lol

&it probably doesnt make much sense to you but makes perfect sense to me(;